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Post by idkmybffluna on Nov 2, 2011 1:04:06 GMT -5
It wasn't that Severus particularly enjoyed spending his time in the library. It was drab in there, dull, uninteresting, but at least he could get his school work done in peace without the interuptions of the children he had been placed in a House with. There was not a night he vainly attempted to work on his class work in the common room without being interrupted by some idiot blowing up a potion or deciding to go bowling for first years on the slick stone floor. He honestly did not understand how some of the boys in his year had survived this long behaving the way that they did. It was all he could do to escape the chaos of his life whenever he could and retreat to the ever loyal silence of the library.
That was what he was always doing, wasn't it? Whenever he didn't like something he just left it, escaped into a world of his own. When things went badly at home he had walked around aimlessly for hours, never really knowing where he was going, half the time hoping he would get lost and be unable to return. But then, that's how he'd found her wasn't it? His purpose in life, that bundle of joy with red hair falling in her face and framing the beautiful green eyes...
Severus looked up from his Potions essay on the drought of living death to glance instinctively at the door. In truth he had hidden motives for choosing the library to escape to these days. In the beginning it had been because he would meet Lily to work on their school work. Sometimes it was the only time they had to be together during the week. He had liked to think that she felt the connection between them and began to enjoy the fact they could just sit comfortably in silence for hours. That was one of the reasons he loved her so much, she could just sit there and never say anything ever again and he would love her just as much as he did now.
Once they had their falling out, however, she stopped showing up to study with him. It was no surprise, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt that first time she hadn't arrived at their usual time. Eventually Severus had stopped coming as well...that was until he realized she just came at a different time. After that, he could have just chosen any empty classroom or dungeon to do his work in but he needed to see her.
He had started coming to the library at the times he knew she did but, knowing she would cease to show up if she knew he was timing his visits with hers, he would quietly sneak into the stacks and choose a work area where he could watch her study but she wouldn't know he was there. He just loved to watch her, the way she chewed on her quill tip when she was trying to think of a word, how she would frustratedly flip her hair out of her face when it slipped out from behind her ears...it was the highlight of his nights.
But tonight she didn't come. Severus had been in the library for a quarter of an hour already, waiting for her to appear, but she didn't. he was beginning to give up hope but then again, at least he was getting school work done. Some people would say it was inappropriate him going out of his way to see her but he just saw it as though they were back in those days of their childhood. Before he got up the nerve to speak to her he had watched her and her sister and thought about what it would be like to be close with her. Well, now he knew what it was like but these past two years he had been forced back into his imaginary world, forced to imagine what she was like now that she had grown into herself even more.
One day she would come back to him, she would see that everything he did he did for her, because he loved her. None of her friends would stand in their way and James Potter would realize he wasn't half the man Severus was and Lily would smile at him and laugh her beautiful laugh and everything would be right with the world. Severus sighed at he opened his Potions Level 7 book to check a reference. If only that day was today.
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Post by ALEXIA STARR DAVIES on Nov 2, 2011 1:46:57 GMT -5
She wasn’t speaking to Lily.
Alexia wasn’t mad at her or anything. But after their conversation the afternoon before by the lake where she found out one of the secrets Lily had been keeping from her since the summer, Lex just didn’t feel like talking to her just now. Well, she wasn’t really in a position to be saying anything, she still didn’t admit to Lily the two things she was keeping from her. Would she really mind that Lex didn’t mention that she dated James back in fourth year? Would she care, honestly? After yesterday, she might.
It was the reason why that morning, she got up early and headed off to breakfast by herself, not waking Lily up nor waiting for her. It was only after eating that Alexia noticed the flaw in her plan of avoiding her. It would have been easy had there been classes that day. Even if they were in the same class, she had an excuse not to talk to her. But that would be oddly out of character for her, since listening to the professor wasn’t her top priority in classes. The problem was, it was the weekend. She couldn’t go back to the tower; Lily would be there. She walked on without a destination for a good half-hour, reaching the seventh floor before going back to the third floor.
Alexia was avoiding a lot of people. Boys, mostly. Strange as it is, and ironic, she was sick of them right now. Well, she never really liked them, she just went out with them just to break things off after a few weeks. She didn’t feel guilt, not even when a guy who got really attached to her broke into tears in front of her. Her judgment was tainted by her past, but all she thought about was all men were the same: cheating, lying, jerks. Let’s just say that this was the way she saw fit for what could be counted as revenge.
And these actions, of course, entailed their consequences. It would be a given that most of the girls weren’t too fond of her. She didn’t care, they could be plotting her doom or whatever… she’d just leave them to it. Every day, Lex would get her fill of harsh glares and stare-downs from random girls she barely knew; she only assumed that it had something to do with the guys she dumped, the hearts she’d broken. Hah, she didn’t buy that. Since when did guys ever feel heartbreak? It was them causing all the tears girls shed.
She passed by the library, hesitating and taking a few steps back. She was quite safe from everyone she was avoiding in the library. Though it wasn’t a place she’d normally go to, today would be an exception. Sighing resignedly, she stepped inside and made her way near the back of the library, avoiding the stern gaze of the librarian. She’d probably just sleep here, while pretending to read a book. It would still be a productive day if that happened.
Her plans were altered, however, when she saw a person that she hadn’t seen in such a long time. Well, not entirely. She’d seen him in corridors, in classes, at meals. But she hadn’t seen him for so long in this kind of environment, an accidental meeting. Lex would gladly welcome one of those. He may be a Slytherin, but he was Lily’s friend from the very beginning… But it all ended with a simple mistake, a slight slip of the tongue. She didn't hate him completely after that, so to speak.
She didn’t know if he saw her, but surely he wouldn’t send her away? She walked up to the table he was working on as quietly as she could before taking one of the chairs and sitting down. Smiling slightly, she spoke in a very quiet voice, just enough for him to hear and not to distract the other students nor attract the attention of the librarian. “I can take a guess at what you’re doing here,” she said. “and I know studying is only a part of that.”
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Post by idkmybffluna on Nov 2, 2011 2:06:16 GMT -5
Severus tried not to feel too pathetic as he sat at the table by himself. He was going to run out of reasons to be in the library soon enough. Potions essays never took him that long, he was rather good at the craft though it was not his primary interest. Defense Against the Dark Arts homework had been done since it was assigned and Charms was a joke. Although he was at NEWT levels the tasks Flitwick gave them were laughable really. Make a chair dance whenever it was not being looked at? He could do that as a third year, and really what use was it in life anyways?
He was beginning to think about whether he should simply throw in the towel for today and return to the common room to suffer though the mundane atmosphere of his House when he both heard and felt someone approaching. Living in a rough house had taught Severus to be overly aware of his environment so when something new entered the immediate area around him he was usually aware of it. The thought that this intruder might be Lily sent him into euphoria but also a blind panic. For her to be so near to him was something out of a dream but if she saw him here he did not doubt she would turn on her heel and leave immediately. For this reason he hunched over his work, scribbling words furiously and attempting to shield his face with his less than satisfying hair.
Had the girl approaching been Lily this attempt to hide himself would have been in vain, she would have known him immediately (at least he liked to presume she would). However, in reality the person approaching knew what he looked like almost as well as his favorite red head because they shared her as a confidant at one point in time. Upon hearing her voice Severus' muscles tensed all at once. He didn't particularly want to talk to Alexia but she always made an attempt to be kind to him because Lily had once cared about him. Severus could not chastise her for that.
Straightening up in his seat, the boy looked across the table at her. His face did not show any emotion other than indifference and perhaps a bit of scorn. The scorn was not towards her but rather towards life, towards the absence of Lily in his, towards all of his misfortune in life he had done nothing to deserve. Alexia would know, he was sure, that the only one to invoke anything else from him was their absent friend, or rather her absent friend as Lily wanted nothing to do with her.
Her comment made him uncomfortable. Was it that obvious that he was sitting in the Library waiting for Lily to show up so he could at least see her even if she insisted on pretending he didn't exist? After all they had been through together, after all of the years he had loved her did everyone really expect him to just forget about her and go about his life as usual? She was the usual, without her his life was relatively meaningless. However, he didn't exactly want that to be common knowledge.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Davies"
There had been a point in time where he might have called her by her first name because Lily preferred it that way, because it made her feel like Severus could respect her friend as a person. Now that he had been shunned, however, showing favor for a female Gryffindor would most likely just result in him being punished by cruel people in his own house. He trusted that Alexia would not be offended however because she no doubt knew that by even talking to her he was acknowledging that she was at least somewhat acceptable to him.
What he meant to say was that he missed Lily desperately and he wished there was something he could do to make his horrible mistake up to her. What he meant to say was that she should understand that he did and said everything to protect Lily, to keep her out of the line of fire. What he meant to say was that if given the chance he would give up his life for that happy red head. But what he did say was that he hadn't the foggiest what she meant, though he knew she'd recognize the lie. Perhaps she knew the subtext as well, Severus remembered that she was smart like Lily (though no one held a candle to Lily). If she didn't understand he wouldn't waste his time dropping any hints, that was certain. His life was private and he wasn't about to take on Lily's best mate as a confidant, that would only hurt him more.
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Post by ALEXIA STARR DAVIES on Nov 4, 2011 1:25:40 GMT -5
Just as soon as she said something, Lex began to have second thoughts on being here and talking to him. If this conversation got anywhere, or if she got anything out of it, there was no way she was mentioning it to Lily. Why did things have to be so complicated for her? She hated keeping secrets from her friend, since she didn’t have much of those, but there were times, like now, that she had no choice but to lie to Lily. But it wasn’t really lying, was it? She never said anything that wasn’t true…
She knew for a fact that Lily wouldn’t like this: her talking to Sev. This, Alexia decided, was enough reason not to tell her about it. The time will come that she’d have to come clean about everything: Remus, James and Severus. And she’d have to face the consequences for keeping all of this from her, but there was no need to worry about it now. She was pulled out of her train of thought by the sound of his voice.
Alexia didn’t expect him to call her by her first name, she wouldn’t call him Severus, either. If he ever did call her Alexia a few years back, she didn’t remember. That was how long ago it was. True, they haven’t spoken for months, a year, at most. She didn’t miss their conversations though, they didn’t have much of that. He was Lily’s friend, she was Lily’s friend, but that didn’t mean that they got along very well. She tried to be his friend because of Lily, but ever since the fight, she had an excuse not to talk to him. But now that she thought about it, aside from what he called Lily a few years back, there wasn’t really any reason for her to stop talking to him.
And now that she wasn’t speaking to Lily, and they were both here, where was the harm in a friendly conversation? “Yeah right,” she smirked, sitting a bit more comfortably on the chair, all intention of lounging silently in the library forgotten. “let’s just pretend that you don’t care about her anymore.” It was a wild guess, she knew that. But she made herself sound confident in her assumption; was he really looking for Lily
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Post by idkmybffluna on Nov 5, 2011 15:07:39 GMT -5
The hand which held Severus' quill stopped short when Alexia spoke again. It hovered over the almost filled parchment on the table before he finally broke into movement again and laid it down. Keeping his eyes on the tabletop for a moment, Severus considered what she had said. Yes, he was pretending, he pretended every day. He pretended around the other Death Eaters that he was 'getting over' the Mudblood, that the only thing that mattered to him in the world was the rise of the Dark Lord and his impending graduation which would free him to join the cause. He pretended not to see Lily when she walked by with Potter or one of her other superfluous friends, when really all he could see was her brushing someones arm or smiling at someone who wasn't him. He pretended he did not care when really it was all he could do not to follow her around all the time begging for forgiveness.
"Even if I do it is better to pretend I do not than to continue allowing her to hurt me by her apathy."
At first he did not realize he had spoken the words aloud and when that registered in his mind his head shot up, staring her right in the eyes with a look of panic and surprise. Had he just said something personal to a Gryffindor? She would probably return to their common room and laugh about it with Lily. Poor Severus, utterly in love with Lily with no end in site, hopelessly lost on a road of unrequited affection. What a lark for him even to think he stood a chance with a girl as wonderful as she.
"It would do well if you forgot what I have just said."
He could not have her telling the other Death Eater hopefuls that he was still pining after that girl, letting her control his emotions. The only person he should be allowing to control him was the Dark Lord. He would be strung up, possibly killed if they found out he was helplessly devoted to someone of us unpure blood. If only she had been born a pureblood everyone would have been fine. She never would have been angry with him for calling her a dirty name because he would have had no reason to. Everything would have been perfect.
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Post by ALEXIA STARR DAVIES on Nov 11, 2011 23:17:47 GMT -5
Alexia tried not to look too surprised when he spoke again. So it was true.. her guess was luckily a right one. She had always assumed that there was more to the friendship that Severus and Lily had once shared. Or maybe it was only from Severus’ end. When he looked up, Lex realized that she wasn’t the only one who was slightly shocked by this, he seemed like he didn’t mean to say the words out loud.
If she was any other girl, she would have told Lily about it. But Alexia knew how it felt like to be talked about behind her back. She didn’t mind it, but that didn’t mean that everyone was okay with it. There were times where she wished that she was different, maybe more like the girls who everyone liked to be friends with, and not who she was now And this kind of thing, she knew, was not something the Slytherin would like for her and Lily to talk about. She respected his privacy, she felt that he deserved as much.
“So you do care?” she asked, all playful and teasing demeanor forgotten. In her shock, his last statement seemed to have flown by her, ignored. “Do you miss her?” she said quietly. Immediately, Lex regretted saying it. Again, the problem she had with saying exactly what she thought was going to get her in trouble. Not that there was anything wrong with asking that; it was his answer that Lex didn’t want to hear.
If he did say yes, what would she do about it? She knew there was no way that she could convince Lily to talk to him, let alone settle the silent fight that had gone on for more than a year now. There was nothing she could do.
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