Find Me? [ Remus ]

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

How she got herself into a bet like this, Alexia didn’t know. One moment she was innocently responding to a friendly letter from a fellow Gryffindor, and the next thing she knew, she had somehow issued a challenge that he wouldn’t be able to find her anywhere in the castle. Before she left the Great Hall that morning after breakfast, she turned around to look for him. She smiled at him, finally seeing him with his friends, before pushing open the oak doors and making her way up the castle.

As she walked, Lex wanted to convince herself that this was wrong. Yes, he helped her that night in the Owlery, and he got closer to her more than she let anyone else be. But her behavior surprised even herself. She liked spending time with him. She didn’t feel too uncomfortable even as they were sitting side-by-side on the Owlery’s cold stone floor. This little detail only started bothering her when she got back into bed. Sleep almost didn’t come last night, and it gave her time to think things over.

What was it in him that made her feel so at ease, telling him all about her family?

Lex wouldn’t have even tried to become friends with him after their first, and intentionally last, encounter. But now, she felt that it would be rude to just start ignoring him after all that. Which was something new for her, since if you asked anyone what they thought about Alexia, ‘rude’ would definitely be in the top five. Top three, probably. Not that she really intended to be rude; the trait just came with her habit of shutting people out of her life. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to be close to a few people; it was the paranoid side of her personality taking over. No one could be trusted, she always believed. And she had yet to find someone to prove her wrong.

Her steps slowed down as she got to the sixth floor. Hiding in the girls’ bathroom seemed to be a nice idea; he wouldn’t find her there. But it was unfair, she decided as she continued walking. Not staying at any one place for longer than a minute seemed to work for her. Ten minutes had passed since she left the Great Hall and still no sign of him. Lex walked a few more feet, then stopped in front of a classroom that was Professor McGonagall’s during the weekdays. It was empty now, and maybe he wouldn’t think of looking for her here.

As quietly as possible, she slipped inside and closed the door behind her. She intended for this little game of theirs – if you could call it that – to last for about thirty minutes to a full hour. And while she waited, she tried to understand what Remus was thinking when he agreed to this. Lex said she’d try to lose the awkwardness and talk to him if he found her. Did he really want to be friends with her that he’d go to these lengths just to have her talk to him? It was confusing, that’s all she was sure of.

She sat at one of the desks, eyes transfixed at the door, half-hoping that it would open.

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

YOU TOUCH THESE TIRED EYES OF MINE
AND MAP MY FACE OUT LINE BY LINE

Breakfast was as eventless as ever, and seemed to draw on and on. It was not a good day for Remus; only a few hours seperated him from the next full moon night. Neither that thought, nor his revolting stomach made him feel like having anything for breakfast, and thus he worked on one slice of dry toast for as long as the others had their meal. But there was one nice moment; when he caught Alexia's smile. It made him feel better immediately. Just a few nights before, she had been crying, and now she smiled at him as if - well, as if he had done something right. The knowledge that he had helped somebody, and somebody in need at that, brightened the Marauder's mood considerably.

Besides, it seemed as if Lexie was really becoming his friend. Of course, he was as worried as always about growing fond of anybody; the sorrow and fear was always there. But it seemed to be fading right into the smallest corner of his mind whenever Moony read one of Lexie's letters, the way she wrote, the way she treated him just like any person. Like a nice person, even. It was more, he felt, than he could have wished for, and maybe their friendship would simply stay like this. Maybe, it would always be composed of cheerful letters and thoughtful ones, ironic and amusing comments being made.

His friends didn't know anything about their mailing. Though he would have trusted them with anything, it would probably only have resulted in bickering and bantering about the new 'relationship'. And Moony would probably have had to explain the owlery incident to them; that would become difficult without mentioning the letter Alexia had received, and why it had upset her so much. This, he felt, was not something she would want anybody else to know, and he would respect Lexie's wishes.

When Lexie turned away from the hall, he knew it was time. After making excused to his friends about disappearing (being the one who would more often than the others spend time on his own, this was pretty easy to do), Remus looked for a quiet corner to get out the map he had, neatly folded, stored in his pocket before leaving for breakfast. Of course it was property of all the Marauders, but he hoped that the others would cut him some slack and not ask him what he had needed it for later in the day. A look over his shoulder and a tap with his wand; Then, he whispered, with a voice so hearse it was barely audiable: "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." A small smile brightened up the pale, tired face as the top inscription appeared, and webs of corridors and rooms along with small, moving figures bloomed up on the parchment.

There were a few places that he could spare himself the work of looking at; the kitchens, the Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common rooms and dorms; the great hall, of course, the teacher offices and the owlery. The owlery would have been much too simple. About one and a half minutes passed until he had finally found the small figure with the name tag of "Alexia Starr Davies", just as she entered the Transfigurations classroom. Checking the time, Moony figured that he would still be more than comfortable walking there if he took a small short cut through a tapestry that pretended it was a wall. "Sorry for cheating, Lexie", he whispered, "But I can't let you win. Mischief managed."

The way to the classroom in question was covered quickly, although it was certainly not his fastest day. Upon approaching the door, he hesitated. The awkward feeling Lexie had managed tugged at his memory. Remus still did not really understand what she meant. It did not seem like a definite feeling, like annoyance or happiness or anger, perhaps. What if she really didn't want to see him, and only used "awkward" because she didn't want to be rude? He turned on his heel. A moment of standing still, and he turned back again. If she didn't want to see him, she would not have written. She would not have smiled.

The door opened quietly and easily at his hand, and he could see Alexia right away, sitting on a desk. A smile appeared on his face as he leaned into the doorframe slightly. "Seems like you lost, Davies", he rasped, then cleared his throat embarassedly. It was no use, he knew; this was what happened when the moon pulled at his every cell. But, he reminded himself, Lexie already knew that he was voiceless, so Remus had every reason to hope that she would not mention it.

AND SOMEHOW GROWING OLD FEELS FINE

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

Alexia was starting to worry; what if he never took her seriously? What if he was just messing with her? Why would he do all this just to talk to her, anyway? They knew each other only for little more over a day. And he had tons of friends, she never saw him alone (but, then again, she rarely noticed anyone else in the school aside from Lily and her sister, Andrea. ) Who was Alexia Davies to him that he’d look for her all over the castle?

She and Remus were from very different sides: He was doing this, as he did say, to talk to a friend. Lexie was doing this because she wanted them to be friends. Did she do this, subconsciously, just to have an excuse to spend time with him? Lex didn’t have any proof that Remus really did want to talk to her.

The letters, she reminded herself. Lexie was never a big fan of writing; it took her so many hours just to finish a foot-long essay. But when she was replying to one of his letters, she didn’t feel like she was writing at all. It wasn’t a bother to her as her essays and homework were. Even after a long and tiring day, seeing an unopened letter her owl had left on her bed would lift her spirits up. Her lips would turn up into a slight smile whenever she was writing to him, or whenever he wrote back.

She pulled her legs up under her and let her eyes roam, distracting herself so she wouldn’t think about him. The silence was deafening; she’d know if anyone was coming so there was no need to be so alert. The classroom looked a lot bigger when it was empty, and a lot less intimidating without their Transfigurations professor. Just a couple of feet away from her stood a bookshelf; she saw books with topics ranging from Elementary Transfiguration to Trans-species Transfiguration. But what caught her eye was a book on Animagi; she reached out and slid the book from the shelf and flipping through the pages. Her attention was all on the book, and the slightest hint of footsteps ringing outside in the corridor had her look up so quickly.

She slid her feet off the table quickly when she heard footsteps getting louder outside the door, thinking that it was Filch or, should she be so unlucky, Professor McGonagall herself. Maybe hiding inside a classroom wasn’t such a good idea, especially not in the classroom of who was easily the strictest professor in Hogwarts. A string of excuses was flitting through her mind, trying to find one that would actually work. Transfiguration was one of the subjects that Lex passed every time, but her grade was always leaning dangerously close to a fail. It was because she never put enough effort to it, and she knew that McGonagall didn’t like that. She could say that she was here to practice? No, it was a weak excuse.

Lex laid the book down, trying to be as quiet as possible, when the door opened slowly.

“Oh, it’s you,” she laughed. She breathed a long sigh of relief when she saw Remus, but the alleviation of panic over being caught lasted only for a moment. Lex didn’t believe him when he said that it would only take him fifteen minutes to find her, wherever she was. And it had only been, Lex found out with a glance at her watch, thirteen minutes, approximately. She met his eyes for a split-second as he stood in the doorway, then lowered her gaze to her hands.

“You found me,” she smiled, taking extra care not to look at him. She didn’t know where it came from, but when her eyes found his as he came in, the familiar nervous, restless feeling came over her. The same feeling she had as she lay in bed the night he found her in the Owlery. It was unexplainable, she had no reason to feel this around him. Then she remembered what she said she’d do if he found her: Lose the awkwardness, which meant – for Lexie – try and talk to him in person without wanting to run past him and back to Gryffindor Tower.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly lifted her gaze to him, fighting the urge to hide behind the just neglected book on her lap. She noticed that he was, as he said in his letters, ‘voiceless’, so to say. Her lips pulled up into an involuntary, yet bright, smile when she saw him smiling at her. “How’d you manage to find me so fast?” she asked, gesturing for him to sit on either the desk beside or in front of her. “Oh, right. Marauder skill: knowledge of the castle,” she added with a light laugh.

“I’m trying to fulfill my end of the bet,” she said, still smiling. “How’ve you been?” .

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

I LISTEN CLOSE FOR I'M NOT SMART
YOU WRAP YOUR THOUGHTS IN WORKS OF ART

There was something uncertain about her, Remus thought; or maybe it was just his fuzzy mind. He really wished he could understand her well, but today it would probably not work out. Not only was he an almost complete novice to the world of female behaviour and feelings, but Alexia had also chosen an inconvenient day for him to talk to her. The only hope which remained was that he would not say anything insensible or clumsy, upsetting her, and that she would keep their conversation going until they had talked long enough for their parting not to be embarrassing.
Which it will most definitely be.

Sometimes, when he was replying to one of her letters or notes, Moony hesitated for a moment. He had noticed that he started to feel enthusiastic when he wrote, and it was scary. But a moment after one of these realization moments, he would shrug it off and return to writing back to her. She had such a pretty handwriting, or at least he thought so. His on the contrary was always narrow and hasty, and usually contained crossed out words. It was almost as if he had a writing hiccup, but it had always been this way. The thoughts just came too fast for his hand to follow. Not that he had cared much before; the only difference now was that he was worried about what Lexie would think. But wasn’t that stupid? What if she secretly thought he was an idiot, what would it even change? She still seemed to enjoy the mute company they kept each other, and either way he was pretty certain that they had already reached a point which was so far that it was unlikely they would go any further. It was not like other male-and-female friendships, where people would usually end up as a couple together. For once, she had made it obvious that she was not anywhere near looking for love (which was one of the reasons why he still dared writing to her), and for a second reason, he was what he was. It would be impossible. The thought alone was ridiculous; how would he be compatible with anybody? Sometimes he had imagined telling a faceless girlfriend 'oh by the way, I am a dark creature and will never find work either, I hope that’s fine with you'. Well, maybe there would be more sensible ways he could tell a girl, but it would all lead to the same outcome. No, there were simply things he would have to relinquish. Remus was grateful for what he had, friendship, and education, and his father. Things could be much worse.

It was somehow comforting to be with Lexie, however, because she was the only person he would call a friend who did not know about his secret – all the others had found out after some time, first the Marauders, and a few years later Lily, ironically in the same year that Severus Snape had also found out. At first the thought of Snape knowing was humiliating, but after some time Remus had learned to take it with humour. If Snape sent him gazes of contempt nowadays, he would smile bravely, and if he felt particularly daring snap his teeth very slightly, just so that he could see the colours of the rainbow flush on the Slytherin’s angry face. He knew that Snape would have loved nothing more than to have him locked up, or maybe euthanised. It would probably have been the triumph of his sorry life.

But Lexie didn't know, and it was bliss. This circumstance allowed him to pretend to be a normal person, with normal aspirations and the dreams a seventeen-year-old should have. It felt surprisingly nice. He had even written to his father about it, and received a cheerfully cheeky surprise promptly (along with greetings from grandma, who was actually dead for a few years). John always pretended Remus was just being silly about not accepting relationships, but the younger Lupin thought he was simply being unreasonable, pushing it off as a part of John’s crazyness.

And now there was Lexie Davies in front of him, and she looked pretty, and somehow humble, and it made him smile. All the doubts were forgotten for a moment, his usually busy and crowded mind feeling weirdly empty. Suddenly, her dark eyes seemed more important than the reasons why he shouldn’t even be here, and why this was weird, and anyhow, he wondered what she was reading. Or maybe it was just an excuse to look at her legs.

Remus felt that he needed to slap himself, and got back in control about his teenage behaviour. "Yes, it’s me. How many others did you ask to find you?", he asked with a small smile, his voice getting lost halfway through the sentence. Curse this, he thought, why is it tonight out of all nights? He kept composure and smile up on the outside though, and followed her invitation to sit by her, choosing to sit opposite her. Sitting next to her felt too much of an invasion, although it had not when she had been crying in the owlery. But that had been different.

"Good instincts, you know", he replied to her question. "I knew you feel so at home in this classroom, it was only logical you would be here", he went on jokingly. Remus realized that it was not so hard to talk to her in person after all. Lexie might feel awkward, as she said, but he felt weirdly alright with her. It must be because she says she trusts me, he told himself, and felt satisfied with that explanation. "I don’t want you to talk to me just because of a bet though, Lex", he said, a little more serious than before, and cleared this throat for what felt like the hundredth time. "If you don’t feel like it, you can just tell me and I’ll be gone.."

AND THEY'RE HANGING ON THE WALLS OF MY HEART

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

“It’s a special task,” she said in response to his question. “Only people who have proved themselves worthy can be given that honor.” She laughed slightly at the end of her sentence, wondering how stupid she might have sounded, but didn’t really care. Words came naturally, that was good right? Lex liked it better when she could say what she wanted to say, and not think about what she was going to tell the other person for fear that she would be misunderstood. And it didn’t seem like it was the case with Remus.

“That was really fast,” she told him. “I didn’t even get through the first chapter.” She lifted the book and showed him the front cover. “Any chance you know anything about Animagi?” The idea of being able to change into an animal at will was tempting, but it was too much work for someone like Alexia; she couldn’t even produce a Patronus, and she was already in her seventh year. But it was still an amusing thought to have.

It wasn’t really as bad as she thought it would be. Lex expected that they wouldn’t have anything to talk about in person, no matter how many letters they might have sent to each other. There was a difference in communicating indirectly – via Juniper – and directly, like what they were doing now. They had loads to talk about in letters, where it wasn’t really required for anyone to speak. It was definitely easier writing to him, but talking was nice, too.

“Honestly?” she said, her lips breaking out into a bright smile. “I’m glad I finally got to talk to you properly, and not just hiding behind parchment and quills.” Lex loved their written conversations, she felt strangely comfortable telling him things no one else knew about her. And she didn’t even know him that much yet. But Lex chose not to worry about what shouldn’t be paid so much attention. She trusted him, and she didn’t bother questioning herself why. And trust was a big thing for her, she never trusted anyone in school other than her sister and Lily. And yet, here she was.

“How about we forget about the bet?” she smiled. “I can’t have you thinking that I’m only talking to you just because I said I would if you managed to find me.” The fact that it took him less than fifteen minutes tugged at her thoughts, but she decided to ignore it for now. “Unless there’s somewhere else you’d rather be?,” she said, joking. “I can just finish this book right here.” But of course, Lex would prefer talking to him than reading any day.

There was that guilty feeling again. ‘You wouldn’t have those thoughts about someone who was just your friend,’ went the voice that always made her feel uneasy. She wanted to tell Lily, but what was there to tell, really? What was so important about letting her know that she and Remus were friends? Something was stopping her from saying anything about it when she and Lily spoke to each other. She then wondered if Remus already mentioned it to Lily. If not, could he be thinking that their friendship isn’t that too big of a deal as Lex was making it to be? Maybe he felt that it wasn’t of much importance to even mention to Lily even in casual conversation.

[/quote]

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

YOU HEALED THESE SCARS OVER TIME
EMBRACED MY SOUL, YOU LOVED MY MIND

Alexia's ironic response made Remus smile. Irony wasn't just for anybody, it was a proof of intelligence and the ability to laugh about the own faults and problems, something rarely found amongst a bunch of 17-year-olds. He was delighted to find it in Lexie, as it made her more likable than Moony already thought she was. The way she talked about her performance in school made him feel as if she wasn't very confident in her own smarts, but he wouldn't think twice before calling her intelligent. After all, they had had some of the best conversations, and her emotional intelligence was also indisputable. "It can't be so hard to be worthy then, if I made it. Or do you have to make friends with your owl first?"

When Lexie held up her book and asked him about Animagi, Remus's smile faltered, but he regained composure quickly. The sudden kick of panic that had taken to his stomach was unreasonable, and he knew this, but what kind of coincedence was this? Could it really be that the one day, Lexie asked him out about werewolves, and now out of all the books in McGonagall's classroom, she picked one about Animagi?
Don't be stupid, he thought to himself, every other girl wants to be an Animagus. It's impossible for her to know something. Just lie.
"No, sorry." He smiled, and for once was really happy about being hoarse - his voice wouldn't give away any nervous feelings. "I am into Defence, for Transfiguration I only do so much as McGonagall asks for. So I know no more than she told us in class."
They were always so careful, and Dumbledore had made the whole issue almost bullet proof, so Remus felt idiotic to worry about it in retrospective. He had not spent enough time with Lexie for her to suspect something because of monthly absences or the new scars he collected every full moon, he told himself; only long-term friends would notice this. Still, the coincedence was crazy.

"Well yes, took us some time to get here, I guess", the Marauder agreed to Lexie. Quietly, he took in her features, her face which he now realised he had not really looked at this closely in bright daylight, ever before. She was pretty; her asian eyes, the perfect skin and long, wavy hair. Who could hurt somebody with a puppet face like yours?, he wondered, thinking about what she had told him concerning her father with scorn. To Remus, family was love and responsibility, and the abuse of it was simply disgusting. There was no excuse for it. So that she would not feel as if he was staring at her - people sometimes felt bewildered because of his unusual eye color - he simply met her eyes, trying to look friendly and less tired than he was.

"Oh, no no. I have nowhere to be, honestly. Took the day off for you", he said, looking serious. "Usually around this time I start to save sad girls from dark gloomy towers and try to befriend them." As unobstrusively as he found possible, he leant back on his arms, taking the strain of sitting up from his back. You know just how to chose the most difficult days, Alexia Davies. But somehow, he didn't regret being up and awake for her, at all.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ANGEL IN MY LIFE

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

She was able to make him smile. So what? But Lexie knew deep down that it was more than just a ‘so what.’ But what exactly was it? Lex didn’t know; whatever it was, it brought a smile to her own lips as well. “Yes, it’s actually Juniper who chooses my friends for me,” she responded, laughing lightly. She was still confused at how easily she could start a conversation with him without the awkwardness she expected. But did it really matter? All she knew was that she loved her owl now more than she ever loved any other pet she ever had in the past. Even her pet cat who died just last month.

“Oh, too bad,” she shrugged, leaning over the edge of the desk to slide the book back on the shelf. “Could have been nice if I could ask you stuff about it.” When she turned to look at him again, she met his eyes. She simply smiled. “You’d think she’d teach us something about that now that we’re in seventh year, huh?” There were a lot of things she wish the Professors would teach them.

From Transfiguration, that was basically it. Animagi. In the subject of Defense Against the Dark Arts, on the other hand, she wanted to learn how to produce a Patronus. She first learned about the spell a few days after she found out about the Dementors. And it was Alexander who was the reason that she learned these things. She wanted to chuck him to Azkaban without any trial; Lex knew that no one had a reason for him to be locked up in wizard prison. But she wanted him as far away as possible from her mother, and Dementors seemed to be worthy candidates for the job.

Lex was doing okay in Charms, and she was planning on dropping Divination next week. She wasn’t required to take that class, and she definitely didn’t want to. There must have been some mistake with the schedules. Potions was fair, sometimes she’d get it, sometimes she wouldn’t. Essays on them were never hard; Lily was always there.

With a slight shake of her head, she said, “Defence is not one of my best subjects.” It was true, Defence Against the Dark Arts was a lot more of the hands-on experience than Transfiguration was. In McGonagall’s class, wand work wasn’t that frequent, there was still the studying of theories. Lex would probably pass when it came to practical exams, but only barely. She wasn’t that incapable of executing spells. Theory study, on the other hand, meant homework and essays. And she had that covered with her best friend.

“Took the day off for you,”

Lex blinked once. “That’s.. um – nice,” she replied with a warm smile. “That girl must be lucky to have someone like you saving them.” She bit her lip just as the words left her as if to pull them back. The compliment was unintentional, it just came out. She hoped he wouldn’t notice, and just pass it off as a simple statement from her. She pulled her hair back from her face and slid it to one side, doing anything she could to avoid looking at him.

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

THE DAYS NEWS CAME MY BEST FRIEND DIED
MY KNEES WENT WEAK AND YOU SAW ME CRY

Secretly, Moony thought that if it had not been for the little owl, they might really not have made friends. It was Juniper who had helped them over a lack of words in the first letters by giving them something cheerful to talk about, and it had been her who constantly wanted to bring letters from one of them to the other. The bird was a real blessing. "I hope she has not failed your expectations in chosing me as a friend, then", he said with a worried undertone. Truth be told, he was still very insecure about himself in this new friendship. Not that he could really help it.

The relief became more stable when Lexie showed no signs of recognizing the lie as a lie. He silently congratulated himself. Remus was by far not always this good at lying, and the more he came to be close to a person, the worse he got. Maybe this was also the reason why everybody found out. Nodding agreement about what Lexie said, he flipped through the pages of one of the books. "They should. But maybe a lot of people would try to actually become Animagi, and I don't think that is a good idea." He considered her for a moment, but then remembered that she was a humorous person, who rarely took something wrong. "They might end up as hideous mutant creatures with six legs, wings and a sphinx head." When Remus was honest with himself, he adored his three friends' abilities. They were so lucky to change into an animal and keep their mind, completely painless, and whenever they wanted to. But it had never occured to him to learn the skill himself - surely he would have had the best teachers at hand - because he was secretly afraid that it would just turn out to be the wolf, and out of control as always. That was really the last thing anybody needed.

It was true though that the school and it's teachers seemed to be a little overly careful in some matters, but to somebody like Remus who had spend more time reading that talking since the age of six, it was natural to gain knowledge on his own. He had developed a good feeling for books and usually did not take long to pick the one containing what he was looking for from the shelf of hundreds in the library. For that reason, he was not all too annoyed about the deliberate knowledge gaps in their education.


With the usual feeling of restlessness connected to this particular issue, he remembered that he had not managed to actually finish all the homework for Monday. Today was Saturday, and tonight he would be in the Shack, so he would have to count on it that he would not get any work done on Sunday, either. Even though the presence of James, Sirius and Peter had eased the curse a great deal, he was usually still out cold the day after, and when he would get up he was in no state to do any studying, as Madam Pomfrey liked to make crystal clear to him. This meant that he would not be able to hand in his work on time. But the encounter with Lexie was somehow worth it, he realised; he probably would have fallen asleep on anything else but talking to her right now, including homework.

"But... you don't have problems passing, right? If you really have Defense issues I am sure.. well.. I would offer you help." Quickly, he added: "I don't want to act up or anything, really, just... if you need help. I am here."
Bloody idiot. If only it would be etiquette to slap oneself for rambling like a nut, Remus would definitely have made a use of it.

Someone like me? For a short, stupid moment, Moony thought that Lex' comment hinted at anything around the lines that she wanted to compliment him. But in the next second, he reminded himself that this was impossible, and that she probably just meant to tease him a bit. Or maybe she just wanted to thank him again for the time in the owlery, which would be quite unnecessary but also very nice of her. She was very nice in general, and her hair was nice, too - the way she moved it aside - Remus almost jumped. What was he doing?! He had been staring at her legs before, then her face, and now her hair? Impossible. Impossible impossible impossible. Must not ruin anybody's life. Stop it. "I came for you, though, didn't I?", he said, trying to sound casual.

SAID I'M STILL THE SOLDIER IN YOUR EYES

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

Alexia let out a small laugh when she heard the slight worry in his voice. “If anything, I’m thankful that she chose you,” she said, meeting his eyes for a few seconds before looking down at her feet again. If it wasn’t for Juniper, they wouldn’t be here. And she couldn’t imagine herself having this same conversation with anyone else. Well, if you asked her a few weeks back, she didn’t expect she’d be making any new friends this year. They’ve all been together for six years, if you’d want to be friends with someone, why wait until the last year? This was where some of her regret lay. If only it were possible, she hoped that they could have been friends before now. Time seemed so short now that they were seventh years. Who was to say they’d still be friends after graduating?

“Becoming an Animagi isn’t that bad,” she said. “But I prefer staying human, honestly.” Even if she successfully managed to become an Animagus, she wasn’t sure what animal she’d turn into. “That’s just unlucky,” she laughed, trying hard not to imagine how that would look like. “What would you even call that animal, if that’s still what it is?”

“My grades are just in that thin line between a pass and a fail,” she shrugged. “So I guess that counts as me having problems with it.” Alexia knew that she wasn’t smart, she accepted that fact years ago. It became more evident to her when she became friends with Lily. And now she was friends with Remus. There was no way she’ll ever be able to live up to them. “Really?” she asked, looking up at him. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” If he offered, who was she to refuse? There was no use in denying it; without help, it was impossible for her to pass her DADA NEWT. And she needed at least a grade of E if she wanted to find a job after Hogwarts.

“Yeah, you did,” she smiled. “And I know I’ve thanked you before, but it’s like that’s not enough. I’ll think of a way to make it up to you.” She didn’t know how, but there would come a time when she’d be able to. She didn’t know him that well yet, and there was a part of her that wanted to get to know him better… As unusual as it sounded, Alexia wanted to be close to him in a way that she never was with anyone else. Aside from a few people, mostly her fellow seventh year Gryffindors, Lex was close to no one. She preferred keeping to herself, and yet it was so easy telling Remus everything she usually kept inside, hidden.

There were times when she’d think that he knew so many things about her, but she knew him only by what she heard about him from Lily, how she saw him back when they weren’t friends yet, and from the few things he told her. Sometimes she thought it was unfair, but she just made herself think that she was lucky enough to have someone there to listen, someone who can stand her, and she really was in no position to turn that someone away.

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

I MAY NOT HAVE THE SOFTEST TOUCH

"If anything, I’m thankful that she chose you."
His lips turned into a semi-voluntary smile. It made his heart feel warm that Alexia wanted him to be her friend, as she had just confirmed. "Thank you." It was almost like with Lily when they had made friends in fifth year. Only that, somehow, Alexia seemed even more interesting as a person. Lily had always in a way belonged to James, Remus found... but what Alexia and he had was solely for themselves.

"Not so bad, huh? Well yes. I quite prefer staying human, too", he agreed seriously. Haha, yeah, if only she could understand that that's a joke, idiot. A morbid joke, in a way. "I don't know... magical wolpertinger, perhaps." Something about her made Moony feel as if he could not stop smiling.

"My grades are just in that thin line between a pass and a fail." It seemed weird to him why that should be the case. Maybe Alexia just didn't bother much with school. Remus almost envied her. How he longed to be any normal student, lazy and having fun and then taking up some boring everyday job - he could not even express. "Of course, I'll help where I can", he smiled politely, tearing himself away from his gloomy thoughts.

"There is no need to return any favor, really", Remus tried to assure her. He would feel bad if he asked for anything in return of giving comfort; it was one of the things that came easily to him. Almost as if it helped to keep him from thinking about his own problems, he liked to figure out those of others. "I am still worried about you, admittedly... but now I am at least half sure that you would write to me if something happened." The bell rang, announcing the time on weekend days; ten in the morning. "I feel terrible, Lex, but.. I still have huge amounts of work to do, so..." He was reluctant, unsure of how she would take it if he said goodbye now, after their conversation was coming more easily. That he had a lot of work still was true, but he was also aching quite a lot, willing to lay in his bed for the rest of the day. It was something he had long accepted, but it still seemed weird to get around being with other pupils when he started to feel too tired.

I MAY NOT SAY THE WORDS AS SUCH

[ALEXIA STARR DAVIES]

“That name would work,” she laughed. “Who knows, something like that might actually exist.” For Alexia, it was very rare that she would have a conversation like this with someone that could last this long without a awkward silence in between. Even talks with Lily sometimes had a moment where they both didn’t know what to say.. But it wasn’t that way with Remus. Their Owlery meeting, their letters, it seemed all very natural to be speaking to him.

How he knew that she’d tell him if anything happened, she didn’t know. But it was the truth; there was something about him that Lex knew she would be able to go to him for help. And just a few days ago (or was it longer than that?), he was able to make her feel better about her dad. Something no one, not even her sister, had been able to do.

“I will,” she smiled. “You’ll be hearing from me and Juniper.”

Time really went terribly fast when you’re having fun. Yes, fun was one way to describe this little meet-up. It seemed like they had just started to talk when Remus was telling her that he had to go. She didn’t want to leave just yet, but who was she to ask him to stay? Lex tried not to think that he was just using homework as an excuse to end the conversation and leave, surely she wasn’t that boring to talk to.
“Yeah okay,” she smiled. “I guess I’ll see you again some other time, then.”

She walked with him out of the classroom, closing the door behind them. It was in the corridor where they parted ways, who knew when she’d have the guts to talk to him in person again outside of their letters?

-thread closed-